Oliver's journey to becoming a part of our family all started on Sunday, March 24th. A friend of mine from high school, Jill, was launching her new business with Rodan + Fields (a great skin care line if anyone is interested...lol!) and had invited me to the party. I wanted to support her in this new endeavor so I decided to go. After the party was over I stuck around for a while because I wanted to visit with Jill. Jill and I have always been able to chat for hours and I always enjoy our conversations! Jill's R+F mentor and friend, Sarah, stuck around as well to give Jill feedback on the party. After chatting for a while, Sarah started asking me questions about Miles and his adoption. She wanted to know the specifics of the entire process and asked more detail oriented questions than anyone ever has before. I wondered why she was so curious about the adoption process, but didn't think much about it. As the conversation started to wind down Sarah asked me if I knew what she did for a living. I had no clue other than I knew she was a nurse. She then proceeded to tell me about her employment and that she occasionally sees girls come through their office that are interested in adoption. Sometimes they pick adoption because it is a three hour trip to get to the city where abortions take place and they simply can't make that trip for one reason or another. She then asked me how I'd feel about her telling those girls who chose adoption about our family in the hopes that we could add to our family in that way again. I told her that if she knew of a girl who wanted to place her baby for adoption that we'd love to visit with her and get to know her. I honestly thought I'd never hear anything further from Sarah on that topic.
I went home that evening with a new sense of excitement. Dave and I had talked about possibly adopting again someday, but knew that we didn't want to go through the same process that we had when Miles joined our family. We were not interested in using an adoption agency, putting together a profile, filling out all that paperwork, and then waiting for months and months. It was NOT at all appealing. We felt that if we were meant to get another baby, that the baby would just have to find us. Dave agreed that if Sarah wanted to tell potential birth moms about us, that that was fine. We could handle adopting again in this manner.
A couple of weeks later I got a call from Sarah. When I saw her name pop up on my phone, my heart started pounding. I was in the middle of putting Miles down for a nap so I decided to not take the call at that point but to call her back in a bit. I listened to her voice-mail and was hesitant to believe that she was calling about a baby (she had tried to convince me to sign up to sell R+F at one point as well) so I texted Jill to see if she knew what was up. Jill confirmed that she was more than likely calling about a baby. I gathered my courage and called her back. We talked for a while about a girl who had just found out she was pregnant (only like six weeks along), but was interested in learning more about adoption and about our family. Sarah asked if she could give my name and email address to this lady and I agreed...again thinking I'd probably never hear anything (going through the adoption process once already made me more guarded this time).
Later that day on Monday, April 8th I received my first email from Oliver's birth mom. It went to my spam folder, but after a few texts back and forth with Sarah she confirmed that it was in fact the lady who she had given my information too. Those first few emails were long (almost novel-like) emails introducing ourselves to each other. I gave her the blog's address so she could see pictures of us as well. Within a month or so and after exchanging several emails we decided that it would be nice for the four of us to meet. She and the birth father were still dating and he was completely on board with the adoption as well.
We took them out to dinner at Red Robin and ended up bringing Miles along. Dave and I were both nervous and weren't sure what we'd talk about so we wanted a restaurant that was sort of noisy and wanted Miles there for a distraction in case there was a lull in conversation. It turned out that we had no reason to be nervous. The four of us had no problems chatting with each other and I think we all hit it off great.
After meeting them and feeling a little bit more confident in the situation, we decided to start looking in to our legal options. Dave had heard of an attorney who handled adoptions so he started checking in to that and I decided to call our church's adoption agency to check in to that. The social worker with our church initially got involved and set up a meeting with the birth parents, but quickly started to back out of things based on his abilities. His office is located in Missouri and he covers several states. He explained to me that he felt like it would be a disservice to us if we used him and the church in this situation. He encouraged me to take on the role of social worker and talked me through that process, but then also pointed me in the direction of an attorney in our area that he had worked with and of a social worker that he had heard of. He gave me a little pep talk on how I could do all of this and it helped calm my uncertainties for sure.
For the next few months I helped/encouraged the birth mom to get on Medicaid and find an OB doctor for prenatal care. At first I wasn't very comfortable in this role, but between the two of us we got it all figured out and got her set up for her first prenatal visit. I asked if I could tag along to these appointments and she agreed. She went and saw the doctor for the first time in June.
Over the course of her pregnancy I tagged along to all of her monthly appointments, every other week appointments, and then weekly appointments. On July 10th I was even there when they found out she was having a boy! We had kept all of Miles' clothing, etc. so we were definitely ready to go in the boy department!
When the option to move to Grand Junction came up in July, we consulted with them before we made any decisions on Dave's job. We wanted to make sure we weren't jeopardizing anything with them. They were okay with us moving to Colorado and I offered to come back for the remainder of her appointments...hence the reason Miles and I spent most of the fall in Kansas instead of Colorado. Although it was tough making so many trips back and forth and then spending about a month away from Dave and our house, it was all worth it! I enjoyed being a part of the entire process.
In August we had our home study done (a required piece of the adoption process). With our pending move to Colorado our social worker had to get a little creative. Our attorney requested that we maintain a Kansas address so that we could avoid the ICPC process (necessary when you are adopting a baby from another state in which you reside). Originally we thought we could just maintain mom's house while she continued to try and sell it, but when she got an offer on it in August it changed our plans. Our attorney asked if we could use someone in our family's address as our residence. She figured that since Miles and I would be back so often that that would suffice for us being Kansas residents still. My grandparents graciously agreed and let us use their house for our home study as well. Dave made it back from Colorado for the interview with the social worker. All went well and the social worker approved us for the adoption.
In August we had our home study done (a required piece of the adoption process). With our pending move to Colorado our social worker had to get a little creative. Our attorney requested that we maintain a Kansas address so that we could avoid the ICPC process (necessary when you are adopting a baby from another state in which you reside). Originally we thought we could just maintain mom's house while she continued to try and sell it, but when she got an offer on it in August it changed our plans. Our attorney asked if we could use someone in our family's address as our residence. She figured that since Miles and I would be back so often that that would suffice for us being Kansas residents still. My grandparents graciously agreed and let us use their house for our home study as well. Dave made it back from Colorado for the interview with the social worker. All went well and the social worker approved us for the adoption.
Oliver's due date was November 22nd and at the appointment a couple of weeks before that date the doctor mentioned that he wouldn't let her go past 41 weeks. Her 41 week mark would've been the day after Thanksgiving so we asked if it would be possible to induce her earlier that week. Dave had the entire week off of work so he'd be here for the delivery if that was the case. Her doctor said he'd be okay with inducing her on Monday, November 25th. This date was perfect for all of our schedules!
She made it to her induction date and because of her lack of progression, the hospital asked that she go in the night before (11/24) to begin the cervix ripening part so they could start the induction medicine Monday morning. All four of us arrived at Wesley Medical Center at 6 p.m. Sunday evening. I'm so thankful that Oliver's birth mom allowed Dave and I the opportunity to be involved in the delivery as well! My mom was generous and offered to keep Miles so we could both be there for the entire event.
She initially started progressing pretty fast. They decided to go ahead and give her the induction medicine at 1 a.m. instead of waiting until 6 a.m. like they originally planned. They also went ahead and broke her water somewhere around 3 a.m. (things sort of became a blur because we were so tired by this point). I remember thinking at one point that if she kept progressing at the current rate that we might get to meet the new baby by 6 a.m. Needless to say, that didn't happen. She sort of stalled in her progression. Oliver started having an irregular heart beat mid-morning on Monday so they decided to turn off the induction medicine to see if he could recover. Without the induction medicine, she essentially stopped progressing. After about 19 hours of labor, her doctor decided that it was best for baby and birth mom to go ahead and take him via C-section. She could only take one other person in the surgery room with her so Oliver's birth father went. The nurse was kind enough to take my camera and take pictures. Oliver was born at 3:32 p.m. Monday, November 25th. He weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and was 20.5 inches long. He was stuck in the birth canal for a long time apparently and had a huge cone head! The nurse told us that he wouldn't measure as long the next day because his head would look almost entirely normal within 24 hours and it did.
Normally in the postpartum room they only allow one "visitor" at a time until at least an hour after delivery, but because of our situation they made an exception and let Dave and I stay in the room immediately after Oliver's birth mom returned post surgery. Oliver's birth father wanted to feed him his first bottle. It was a neat experience "teaching" him about the feeding and burping process. I will forever be thankful for their decision to allow us to be a part of all of it! Oliver and his birth mom were released from the hospital late Wednesday afternoon and other than me being gone Tuesday afternoon and Dave being gone Wednesday morning to spend time with Miles individually, we were there the entire time. We stayed in the same room with his birth parents. I will always treasure those days we had together figuring out Oliver and getting to know each other that much better! What a huge blessing!
In Kansas, Oliver's birth father was able to relinquish his paternal rights before the delivery so that part was already done. In Kansas, the birth mother isn't able to relinquish her rights until at least 12 hours after delivery. Because that would've been in the middle of the night our attorney scheduled a time with her for 11 a.m. Tuesday morning. She also wanted to give her time to recover from the surgery and get some sleep if possible. At 11 a.m. (it literally took like 15 mins) she relinquished her rights and Oliver was turned over to us.
While the attorney was at the hospital, she informed Dave and I that Kansas had a change in their adoption law back on July 1st that would allow us to finalize the adoption much quicker than the original 30 days (which is amazingly fast anyway). She had us scheduled for a date two weeks out. We asked a few more questions and found out that we could probably get our finalization hearing scheduled for that next Monday if the judge was available. We had originally planned to head back to Colorado right after Oliver's release from the hospital, but we decided that sticking around for the finalization on Monday would be well worth it! Our attorney emailed me later that day and said Monday, December 2nd at 10 a.m. was a go and that we should meet her at the courthouse at 9:45 a.m. I was a little bummed we had to stick around for a few more days (I was SO ready to get home), but I'm glad we could finalize so fast and have the entire process done so quickly.
After Oliver was released from the hospital we got a hotel room and hung out in Wichita, KS for the next five days. We spent time together as a new family of four and also went and visited family that is in the area. Because we didn't really make Thanksgiving plans my mom decided a couple of days before Thanksgiving to get us all a reservation at a local restaurant that was serving a full turkey dinner. We ate at Stroud's at 11 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day. It wasn't the best turkey meal I've ever had, but it was nice to have some turkey and pumpkin pie and not have to make any of it!
On Monday, December 2nd at 10 a.m. we finalized Oliver's adoption. It took the judge like two seconds to sign his name to the paperwork and we were done. He had read our file beforehand and had a couple of comments to make about Dave's sister being a Yost (his last name was Yost) and something about being related to some Kents. We then quickly loaded our stuff and my mom's stuff (she came back to Colorado with us for a few days) and headed west. We hit snow packed roads around Eisenhower Tunnel Monday evening so we decided to stop in Silverthorne for the night. We then made it the rest of the way Tuesday morning and were home by noon on Tuesday. It was such a relief to be home and to be starting our new life as a family of four!
Pictures of all of this will come later...
She made it to her induction date and because of her lack of progression, the hospital asked that she go in the night before (11/24) to begin the cervix ripening part so they could start the induction medicine Monday morning. All four of us arrived at Wesley Medical Center at 6 p.m. Sunday evening. I'm so thankful that Oliver's birth mom allowed Dave and I the opportunity to be involved in the delivery as well! My mom was generous and offered to keep Miles so we could both be there for the entire event.
She initially started progressing pretty fast. They decided to go ahead and give her the induction medicine at 1 a.m. instead of waiting until 6 a.m. like they originally planned. They also went ahead and broke her water somewhere around 3 a.m. (things sort of became a blur because we were so tired by this point). I remember thinking at one point that if she kept progressing at the current rate that we might get to meet the new baby by 6 a.m. Needless to say, that didn't happen. She sort of stalled in her progression. Oliver started having an irregular heart beat mid-morning on Monday so they decided to turn off the induction medicine to see if he could recover. Without the induction medicine, she essentially stopped progressing. After about 19 hours of labor, her doctor decided that it was best for baby and birth mom to go ahead and take him via C-section. She could only take one other person in the surgery room with her so Oliver's birth father went. The nurse was kind enough to take my camera and take pictures. Oliver was born at 3:32 p.m. Monday, November 25th. He weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and was 20.5 inches long. He was stuck in the birth canal for a long time apparently and had a huge cone head! The nurse told us that he wouldn't measure as long the next day because his head would look almost entirely normal within 24 hours and it did.
Normally in the postpartum room they only allow one "visitor" at a time until at least an hour after delivery, but because of our situation they made an exception and let Dave and I stay in the room immediately after Oliver's birth mom returned post surgery. Oliver's birth father wanted to feed him his first bottle. It was a neat experience "teaching" him about the feeding and burping process. I will forever be thankful for their decision to allow us to be a part of all of it! Oliver and his birth mom were released from the hospital late Wednesday afternoon and other than me being gone Tuesday afternoon and Dave being gone Wednesday morning to spend time with Miles individually, we were there the entire time. We stayed in the same room with his birth parents. I will always treasure those days we had together figuring out Oliver and getting to know each other that much better! What a huge blessing!
In Kansas, Oliver's birth father was able to relinquish his paternal rights before the delivery so that part was already done. In Kansas, the birth mother isn't able to relinquish her rights until at least 12 hours after delivery. Because that would've been in the middle of the night our attorney scheduled a time with her for 11 a.m. Tuesday morning. She also wanted to give her time to recover from the surgery and get some sleep if possible. At 11 a.m. (it literally took like 15 mins) she relinquished her rights and Oliver was turned over to us.
While the attorney was at the hospital, she informed Dave and I that Kansas had a change in their adoption law back on July 1st that would allow us to finalize the adoption much quicker than the original 30 days (which is amazingly fast anyway). She had us scheduled for a date two weeks out. We asked a few more questions and found out that we could probably get our finalization hearing scheduled for that next Monday if the judge was available. We had originally planned to head back to Colorado right after Oliver's release from the hospital, but we decided that sticking around for the finalization on Monday would be well worth it! Our attorney emailed me later that day and said Monday, December 2nd at 10 a.m. was a go and that we should meet her at the courthouse at 9:45 a.m. I was a little bummed we had to stick around for a few more days (I was SO ready to get home), but I'm glad we could finalize so fast and have the entire process done so quickly.
After Oliver was released from the hospital we got a hotel room and hung out in Wichita, KS for the next five days. We spent time together as a new family of four and also went and visited family that is in the area. Because we didn't really make Thanksgiving plans my mom decided a couple of days before Thanksgiving to get us all a reservation at a local restaurant that was serving a full turkey dinner. We ate at Stroud's at 11 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day. It wasn't the best turkey meal I've ever had, but it was nice to have some turkey and pumpkin pie and not have to make any of it!
On Monday, December 2nd at 10 a.m. we finalized Oliver's adoption. It took the judge like two seconds to sign his name to the paperwork and we were done. He had read our file beforehand and had a couple of comments to make about Dave's sister being a Yost (his last name was Yost) and something about being related to some Kents. We then quickly loaded our stuff and my mom's stuff (she came back to Colorado with us for a few days) and headed west. We hit snow packed roads around Eisenhower Tunnel Monday evening so we decided to stop in Silverthorne for the night. We then made it the rest of the way Tuesday morning and were home by noon on Tuesday. It was such a relief to be home and to be starting our new life as a family of four!
Pictures of all of this will come later...
1 comment:
What an amazing story! I am so happy for you guys and wish you well on your journey with two. It's so fun! Congratulations!
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